As he stood before the shelf trying to decide which one he liked the most he couldn’t help but be draw to her. There she was shining, glowing, positioned to protect all those around her. “This is her!” he thought to himself. So he stretched forth and reached for her. Never had he seen such delicate beauty, such wholeness and perfection in his life. She was there, complete in herself. But just as he was about to grab her something shocking happened- she danced out of his reach, stood at a distance, smiled and pointed for him to pick any other…..just not her.
“Why?” he asked. She turned around and showed him what he saw to be tiny blemish on he perfection. “Oh don’t worry yourself gorgeous,” he said, “I knew you would have a mark, a crack somewhere. It’s OK I still choose you.” So again he reached for her. This time she did not move, but she waited, braced herself and prepared herself as he got closer and closer. This time she let him touch her but it wasn’t long before he cut himself on one of her hard, sharp edges. Being a man he only winced but she couldn’t help but notice that his once tight grasp had loosened. She did not mention it though, in fact she relished the freedom the now loose grip was affording her, so she let her wild spirit show itself just a little.
“Fascinating.” he thought, “Show me how much more of you lurks behind that pretty smile.” She simply laughed and shook her head. “It can’t be that bad,” he coaxed, “If what lies beneath is a fraction as attractive as what I see now it surely cannot be that bad. See how I cut my hand on some of your hard, sharp edges? I did not return you did I?” Her smile slowly began to fade but before he noticed she broke into song and dance. Filling his ears with sweet melodies and compelling him to watch her as she moves. Soon his request to ‘see beneath her beautiful’ was forgotten as he was mesmerized by and lost in her.
As she was singing and dancing though her thoughts were far from what she was doing. She was thinking of her reality- she knew that behind her brightening smile and protective strength lay a dark, brooding melancholy and a bottomless weakness. Time and experience had taught her to hide them so well that on the best of days, even she forgot what lay at the very core of her being. The always told her that, “You cannot pour out that which you do not have.” but she knew better. She knew that at her emptiest she always managed to pour out the most, she had learnt that at her weakest she would be required to give nothing but strength. She was that beautiful wild flame that everyone loved to draw warmth from but very few, if any, were made of material strong enough to bear to draw closer and the heat that consumed her very core. As much as she loved to put everyone and everything around her back together she was not blind to her own orbit slowly falling apart. She never shied from giving what was asked of her and never hesitated to do without what she knew she needed to better the life another. All this lack, this weakness, the dark secrets, the insecurities and pain were well hidden from the world behind a wall of love, of giving, of being out together and of protection.
Here she was, dancing in his sight, enjoying the admiration radiating from his eyes. Yet she could not shake the feeling that if she opened up her brokenness, her weakness would be more than he can bare. A part of her wanted to take the chance and see if perhaps he could swim through the waves of destruction to get to her, to save her. But she knew that even though opening the floodgates took but a moment, once they were open there was no holding anything back and it would be sink or swim within a moment for him. If he sank along with all the others that had asked her, time and time again, to open up she was not sure if she still had the strength to once again gather up pieces, pull herself together and return to the shelf. For every time she opened the floodgates she lost a little more of herself for not every piece of her is always found, or returned to her.
So she closed her eyes, sang and dance until she, too, was lost in the music until the words she uttered became the only reality she knew, until every rhythmic beat was all she could feel. She had decided to dance her troubles away, to sing her sorrows into silence and for the time being…. To continue to feel as if she truly were what she appeared to be- Strength. Power. Whole. Untainted