Beauty Of a Woman

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1 Peter 3:3-4; Prov 11:22; Prov 31:30; Romans 9:20-21; Gen 29:17: Luke 12:48, Psalms 139:14; John 7:24; John 8:15

“Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, just as your life is in the hands of Jehovah.”
When these words first surfaced in my heart I was just beginning a long journey to self-love and self-acceptance. I must have been about 19 at that time. (I realize for some this may seem like that was a bit late but better late than never, right?). I was learning to see myself as beautiful, and not through the eyes of someone’s eyes but through my own. A few months prior to this ‘epiphany’ I’d come to realize that having someone else see me as beautiful was not enough. You see same way you can neither remove nor add a life from the hands of God, so is this thing of beauty- you could never convince someone of something’s beauty, they either see it or they don’t. In my case I simply didn’t see my beauty. It didn’t matter how many boys chased me, or that I had a boyfriend who looked at me, and treated me, as if I was the most breathtaking thing to grace the face of this earth. In fact I thought there was something wrong with them, especially this particular guy who had decided to stick around for all those years. I was this experience and these feelings towards myself that had me find these words as I was searching for the true meaning of beauty.
As a teenager my idea of beauty was flawed on so many levels, the two main ones being:
It was based strictly on my outward appearance
It was measured against other girls, I would constantly compare myself to them.
Of course with time I have learnt the error of my ways but the journey has been neither easy, nor cheap. For something so seemingly shallow beauty appears to consume a lot of our minds, hearts and spirits as women. So today I will see what the Word has to say about it, as opposed to what the world says it is.

First things first. Let us be open and honest with each other- BEAUTY MATTERS TO US women, on so many different levels and for so many reasons. For some it is enough to just be pretty but for others they feel the need to be breathtaking. If beauty wasn’t important the make up industry wouldn’t be a multi-billion dollar industry, and this is just cosmetics before we include hair, shoes, clothes, jewelry and diets. If you want to lie to yourself that it does’t matter then check again, as a woman it’s just in you to care. My theory is because the first thing that Eve experienced when Adam saw her was admiration and appreciation FOR HER LOOKS and it just became a part of women to want that. How do I know it was for her looks and not for her heart or mind? Simple, in my bible Adam spoke before she did so he had no way of knowing how she thinks and if one does out speak how else will you know their heart? (for out of the abundance if the heart the mouth speaks). So there is nothing wrong with wanting to be seen as a beautiful woman, the problem comes when that is all that matters to you and your inside does not match the outside.

When Apostle Paul writes to Peter in 1 Peter 3:3-4 he reminds women that their beauty must not just be outward but it must come from the inner being because that’s what God puts value in. When I first read this portion of scripture I thought it meant that looks don’t matter at all. How wrong I was! This scripture is saying that the Godly beauty is mire than skin-deep. It is telling us that it is more important to God that you spend more time perfecting your spirit than you do perfecting your baking techniques. I suppose the women Paul was referring to is a lot like the women of my generation that will spend hours trying to make sure that their hair, make up and closet is “on fleek” yet our spirits look like malnourished toddlers because we adorn the temple so well yet we forget to care for the interior. May God forgive us for this, and may we, in true, repentance seek to make the two match.

You see no matter how gorgeous your physical body is there will always be someone more attractive, younger or with a better technique/closet than you so you will continue to feel inadequate the more you obsess over it. Yet if you obsess over your spiritual beauty the standard is already set- this standard is Jesus Christ. There is no one more beautiful, perfect or flawless in spirit than him. So instead of chasing ever changing, very frustrating worldly standards of beauty why not go for the never changing, ever-so perfect standard of Christ. Think of it this way the word never said Jesus was handsome but no one has ever imagined him not handsome (well at least I do not think so)  and as he grew so did his favor with people, as well as God. It just goes to show that a beautiful spirit will always translate into the physical.

Physical beauty is a gift and like every other gift given to us by the creator it’s use will be accounted for. In Luke 12:48 Jesus says, “Of whom much is given, much is expected.”, so the more beautiful you are the more you owe God. Why are other women more beautiful than others? I HAVE NO IDEA, and to be honest it’s not for us to ask (Romans 9:20- Who are you to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’). Our place is to accept that grace that was give in this department and ask “How may I use what I have to serve my Father?”. Like any other gift it can be used for the greater good (eg Ester) or for wickedness (eg Jezebel)- the choice is in the hands of the one that has been give the beauty. Today we have beautiful young women that :”sell” their bodies to “blessers”, they have taken God’s gift and corrupted it. Ruining their lives, wrecking marriages and have become as nasty as “gold rings on a pig’s snout” (Proverbs 11:22)

Two other common misconceptions some ladies have is that we often assume that the more attractive you are the easier life is and that every attractive girl enjoys such attention. I’ll start with the latter, I have a sister of mine Tabitha from my church and she is one of those ladies that when you see her you’ll immediately think, “She’s really pretty.” To my surprise 2 weeks ago in cell group she complained. At first I was taken aback, I mean in a generation that outs so much into how we look here is someone saying it sometimes irritates her. Why? She said that people treat her as if she weren’t very smart or responsible sometimes. She related of how everyone else gets responsibilities in church that are demanding (eg cell group leader, sharing in church) and she’s usually called to MC events because it is more to do with looks than anything else. She also mentioned how everyone else is praised and recognized for their ABILITIES and for her it seems to just center around her looks. Here is one of the many gorgeous ladies that just want to be seen as more than just a pretty face, or great body. Consider Queen Vashti whose husband forgot that before she was beautiful, she was his queen and worthy of respect that would mean calling her out to be paraded like he did would never have been an option. I’ve also noticed that the guys in the world aren’t particularly kind either- these women have to develop a 7th sense to help them navigate through the sea to find the genuine suitor from those that are just there for a quick tour. (When you do not quite so obviously turn heads this seems to be less of a problem because you are seen as less of a collectable and more of a person with depth)

As for beauty making life easier it’s not necessarily true either. Compare Leah and Rachael, Jacob’s wives- Rachael was beautiful but Leah, not so much (Gen 29:17). Yet when it came to popping out babies Leah was on fire and Rachael was in big trouble. From the story I would guess that Jacob preferred Rachael’s bed to, her sister, Leah’s and yet God gave Leah more children than Rachael. In a situation like that of what value was beauty to Rachael? Nothing. It just shows that physical beauty is not a substitute for anything else that life has to offer so let us not get so caught up in it. At the end of the day it is just measured by human eyes and standards that are ever so fickle. Today size 0 is in but tomorrow thicker girls are the ‘it thing’- who can be both at the same time? Think of all the stories we read about of how models eat cotton wool dipped in lemon juice to feel filled without taking in a lot, if any, calories. Yet so many want to be them, or be like them. Or girls that constantly go under the knife, get injections, slather creams and take pills to “enhance” their beauty. They may look good today but sometimes when the side effects catch up with them the stories are gruesome to say the least.

The most important thing to remember is that ”EVERYTHING GOD CREATES IS PERFECT” ie you are perfect. God made you the way you look to fit his plan. You many not know why you are your-kind-of-beautiful today but remember that God’s ways are beyond our understanding. If you were not breathtaking would a beautiful God have you inscribed on the palm his hands? Do not be so quick to change who you are to meet worldly standards. Imagine you bleach yourself but the man God had planned for you prefers dark skinned women? If you truly believe that you are made i the image of a perfect God then you should know that you too are perfect. Do not worry about what people say about how you look. As human beings they will always use their flawed scales ( John 8:15) but God is never wrong so what his word says is final and he says that YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. At the end of the day BEAUTY IS VAIN, meaning that it fades away, but a woman who fears the Lord will FOREVER BE PRAISED. So why not focus on perfecting that which will last forever? Let us focus on our inner selves and learning to fear our Lord ( working out our salvation with fear and trembling lest we lose it).trembling).

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Letter To My Nyathi, my Grandfather

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This week I have been struggling with what to write about! I have so much on my mind, in my heart I want to share but for some reason every time I wanted to pen it down I went dry, my mind went blank, all inspiration seemed to disappear as quickly as it had. Today’s post is very personal to me. It’s a glimpse into who I am and what I am/want to become; t’s a letter to my #1 fan, my grandfather😊.

To you my first love😍,
Sekuru Nyathi (aka Nyathi Nyathi, aka Mukoma Lloyd)

Today I woke up missing you😥😥. Actually I woke up missing home but it was with such an intensity that I realized it was more than the normal homesickness I occasionally experience. So, like you always encouraged me, I thought about it. That’s when I realized that I miss you so much. It’s amazing how you and home are now synonymous in my heart. So I’ve decided to write you this letter. I hope that, in heaven they will let you read this.

I miss you mostly because of how, in the time I spent with you, I quickly grew from a little girl to a mature woman. I know that you never actually sat down and told me how this transformation was to happen, but you schooled me better than anyone, better than any woman, probably could have. Looking back to the 18 year old me all those years ago you showed up just in time to save me from myself.

So some time last year I read a book called Fascinating Womanhood. It was as if every other secret that book pointed out, you had already installed in me. The book aims at making better wives, better women. It’s a good book but at times some of these self-help books just seem like a list of impractical ideas. How blessed I am that at the age off 22 I had relevant experience to draw from! I could list every secret and of how you helped me learn it without realizing it but I won’t. Instead I will draw on the one that stands put to me the most. Accepting and loving someone regardless of their many flaws and/or weaknesses.

When you came to stay with us, in my mind you were still the strong and mighty grandfather I’d always known growing up. You can imagine my shock when reality hit and I realized that you were human and age had caught up with you. I tried to ignore the truth, because my immature mind could not wrap it’s mind around it. After I was forced to face it, I decided to accept it but to ignore it. You had become my father figure after dad passed on and I still had that 7 year old mentality that a father is like a superhero and can never be seen as weak, so absorbing this was hard and loving you the same when my childish fantasy had been shattered was difficult- I was angry and bitter. Why me? Why you? Why now?

Many people missed the way this was straining me but not you. So often you’d randomly tell that it’s OK and that I shouldn’t worry. I always why but now I know that you were telling me that it was OK for me to see you differently and that I shouldn’t worry about what people would think or say about it. After my exams were over we spent more and more time together. This, I think, was when I started to grow up, to mature. I still fought it though and for the next two to three years a war raged inside of me, a war that threatened to destroy anything and everything I came in contact with, myself included. The most amazing thing is that YOU were my anchor in the midst of the storm.

No matter how messed up I became I know that somewhere, somehow, there was a man who loved me. I know if I needed to feel like I mattered all I had to do was walk into your room and your smile, that special smile you reserved only for me, would make everything alright. I didn’t even have to say or do anything to earn that prize. I simply had to exist. I loved the fact that people could spend hours begging you to do something and the minute I sat next to you and asked once I would get what I wanted almost instantly. When I was away from you it always filled my heart with pride when people told me that eventually the mention of my name would make you light up like the 4th of July. To know that someone could love me, of all people, so purely, so much was just mind blowing- it still is.

What’s even more mind blowing is that with you I got a glimpse into one positions I’d always wondered about:

  • To be a mother

How did I get a glimpse into motherhood? Simple. I learnt the joys of looking after someone and loving them so much so that you would give anything to see them happy and comfortable. I learnt that sometimes you have to give, it may inconvenience or hurt, you have to sacrifice and you will get nothing in advance. It is during this time I began to appreciate my mum. Such a position gives you no time off, or sick leave. Even when I had the chance to do something else your well-being consumed my mind, to the point that I probably bored some people by constantly bringing you up. I learnt what it’s like to give up certain privileges and to lose some friends because someone else is more important to you. I learnt what the statement “munhu/mwana/sekuru vako” (YOUR person/child/grandfather) truly means when it’s used- that that person is YOURS; the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. You take them, you own them and you carry them with you wherever you go. I also realized that they’re especially yours on days when the next person is unimpressed or fed up lol.

At the beginning of our journey, of our lessons, I really felt like I was losing out- after all I hadn’t asked for any of it, I just wanted to be a normal teenager with normal teenager problems. I wasn’t destined for any of that “normal” stuff was I? By the time you were through with me I realized not only that I wasn’t born to be “normal” but also that I have so much more to give that I thought, I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for and I am unique.

I wish you could see the woman I am today. I’m not only in Medical School, I’m one of the top students. I now eat on a regular basis (much less of that I’m not hungry story you hated so much) and like I promised you I take good care of myself and keep safe always. On days I feel like I can’t go on I remember that you called me “Doctor” and I want to wear that title officially too. So when we meet again I will tell that a few years after you left “they” also began to call me doctor. I’m still working on that one condition you left for me to collect my cow lol- our secret condition with Mbuya Soks (my grandmother).

I wrote to you to also say thank you:

  • For being the only man to be so crazy about me that you wouldn’t eat if I wasn’t eating, thereby risking possible starvation and mastering the art of ‘convincing’ to eat when I didn’t want to. ( I still don’t understand this though, was it reverse psychology? Because I tried yo trick you so often but it hardly ever worked and on one/two occasions I had to eat again because you hadn’t seen me eat ahyas #thestruggle lol)
  • For reminding me that I’m still a delicate flower that needs protection (yes I remember you leaving your bed to come sit in the TV room just to make sure that I was safe no matter how late or early it was and when you couldn’t make the trip you’d invite me to sit with you. Although sometimes that kinda killed my plans to quietly slip out lol).
  • For loving me when I couldn’t love myself.For always reminding me that nothing beats Prayer and seeking God. The day you said, “Wakachena hako, asi… ehh wati wanamata zviya?” (You look good, but have you prayed?) is the day I knew that there’s more to being a woman, being young, than to be beautiful. That question is summed up in the verse that now defines my ultimate life goal

Proverbs 31:30- “Beauty is vain, charm is deceitful but a woman who fears the Lord shall forever be praised”

You are very much missed, forever loved and a major source of inspiration.

Lots and lots and lots of love
You granddaughter who is missing you so much
Gamu
(Dr in training)